The Truth

 

~Today I slept in and enjoyed a cup of coffee on the deck. My house looked perfect- already clean. My children woke up quietly on their own, dressed themselves (yep- even the nine month old), and told me they’d love whatever I would make for breakfast. Then my husband called to thank me (again!) for being so wonderful ALL THE TIME.

If you haven’t stopped reading this, my morning was the exact opposite of everything above.

I never want to be the type of writer who sugar-coats. It’s so refreshing to read popular bloggers today like Glennon Melton Doyle and Jen Hatmaker and I think people love them because they tell the truth. I think we want so badly to appear as if we have our stuff together, that we forget there’s something wonderful in bonding together in the honesty of life. So here’s a few truths of mine….

• I don’t know the words to my college fight song. When I go to games, I fake it, and sing the parts really loud that I do know. I really should know it. I think if I had gone to more games instead of parties, I might have acquired this knowledge.
• I am always months behind on eyebrow waxes, pedicures, haircuts and foils. I look at busy professional moms who work longer hours than I do and think- How do you fit all that in?!
• I talk a big game about eating clean and healthy….but I consume more than my fair share of Cheetos and CocaCola.

And probably the most important truth I’ve come to in the last few months….

• I am constantly hanging contentment on the next thing. When my husband and I were dating for years, and he hadn’t proposed, all I could think about was how happy and relieved I would be when he finally did. But then I couldn’t get pregnant. I spent months longing for the peace that would come when I held that sweet baby. And it did. But then I wanted another. Having adopted our sweet boy and finally being a complete family, I’ve found myself still delaying that feeling of full contentment. Why??

I’ve always known this about myself and at first I chalked it up to being goal-oriented. I am always looking to do the next great thing! But the older I get, the more I realize you really have to choose contentment. There will always be that next thing to hope for. And it might be big, like marriage or a child, or it might be day-to-day, like getting over this ear infection season.

There will always be some excuse, some ‘one more thing’ that could be done, to be content. So I’ve been trying to figure out how to do that. I thought back to the most content times in my life and there are two commonalities; truth and thankfulness. Being honest about life and being constantly aware of blessings. I am reminded of Ann Voskamp’s book, One Thousand Gifts. In it, she is dared to make a list of 1000 things things she loves; blessings, thankfulness.

I think thankfulness is the key.

When I first read this book, I got inspired and made it to 105 things I was thankful for. It sounds easy, but putting it down is a struggle. And time-consuming.It’s a change in habit and in lifestyle. Like working out regularly and flossing your teeth.

So yesterday I spent twenty minutes on the floor with my toddler, just watching. I thanked God for every eyelash, I noticed how fast he crawled to knock over the block tower I built and giggled. I marveled at the beautiful weather, as the late afternoon sun dappled over his gorgeous blue eyes.

I didn’t get dinner made, or the car vacuumed. But I felt more content than I had in weeks.

I think thankfulness is my new next thing.